The government’s incessant buck-passing is beyond embarrassing
Listening to the Government’s lies, their excuses, and their ongoing blame game has brought back some dark memories from my youth that I wish had stayed locked far down deep in the recesses of my mind.
Back in those last hazy days of teenagedom I was invited to a party, in an x-ray department in a hospital. As we all supped on our cheap lager, and even cheaper wine, we were invited to join in a game that has left me scarred to this very day.
Pinned to the walls were a selection of x-ray images collected over many years, each one captioned with the patient’s excuse. On a piece of paper, still fresh with the smell of violet bander ink, was a list of a dozen or so household objects. The game was to match the object to the x-ray, and to the excuse. To match the objects with the x-rays of orifices stuffed with an array of vegetables, Hoover nozzles, beloved pets, toy soldiers, and numerous other innocent items that really do not have a role in being in such places.
And some of those images will be permanently etched in my mind’s eye.
And through the fuzz of the overly-sweet punch, three thoughts kept hammering through my poor befuddled mind:
What made them think that could possibly be a good idea? Did they really think that anyone would really believe their excuses? And surely, they’ll have learnt from this experience and won’t do it again.
In answer to the last point, many didn’t, the Department had its regulars.
I have spent much of the intervening time trying to forget those images, to close my mind to the weird things that men do (and yes, they were all men), but the sight of the government making one more excuse, blaming everyone but their own silly selves, has brought it all flooding back.
It’s not as if this behaviour is new, when it comes to obfuscating, lying, and passing the blame on to others, this government has proven itself to be exceptionally diligent. They have made bad decisions, avoided responsibility, and then repeated their mistakes over and over. They are what the X-ray Department referred to as regulars.
From the border with Northern Ireland to the Agriculture Bill and our Food Standards, the timing of the Lockdown, failures over testing, PPE, procurement, and even hiding the actual death tolls from this horrific pandemic, the government has been found wanting on pretty much every front. And they have been desperate to pass the blame at every opportunity.
So we come to the latest buck-passing debacle, the crises in our Care Homes.
And this is where I am haunted by the memories from that oh-so-long-ago party. I just can’t help but see the PM waddling down for his x-ray to bluster the blame on to someone else for his crass ineptitude.
Radiologist: Good afternoon Mr Johnson, you’re late…
The prime Minister: Yes, but no, but… well parking, no change, but like a mighty colossus, nay a Titan, and the plucky spirit –
Radiologist: What’s the problem Mr Johnson?
The Prime Minister: Nothing, no problem, in fact, we are the envy of the world, a gargantuan achievement, ready to lead –
Radiologist: I see from your notes that you were in just a few weeks ago with a… yes, a footballer –
The Prime Minister: Well yes, but no one told me about that.
Radiologist: And before that you had a tracing app?
The Prime Minister: That was my friend Dom, but it never worked anyway, you see, like Churchill –
Radiologist: Good Lord Mr Johnson, there’s a rather long list here, isn’t there? How did you get a whole EU procurement process lost up there, and please tell me that wasn’t a real bus…
The Prime Minister: No, well yes, well, no one actually told us about that European thingy, but it was a great bus, a big red bus, with big letters all along its side –
Radiologist: Perhaps you could tell me what the problem is this time?
The Prime Minister: No problem, all tickety-boo, marvellous –
Radiologist: I can smell the death and decay from here Mr Johnson, if there is nothing wrong maybe we should let you be on your way, but it says here on your notes… something about some Care Homes? Did you put your protective ring around them?
The Prime Minister: Well yes, no. No problem… it was the scientists. And as they spake we followed, like Cato the elder we brought their Catharginian grapes to the Roman Senate –
Radiologist: I think the scientists were quite clear Mr Johnson, keeping at least two metres away from anyone else could have helped avoid this situation, and where that wasn’t possible then protective equipment should have been worn at all times. You did have the appropriate PPE, did you not?
The Prime Minister: Of course, unquestionably, as much as is needed, in fact plane loads flying in from turkey.
Radiologist: It says on your notes that there was no protective equipment Mr Johnson.
The Prime Minister: Ah, well, that would be NHS England, with all the freedom and exhilaration of our woad-painted ancestors –
Radiologist: Mr Johnson, it was in your house, don’t you think you should take some responsibility for this?
The Prime Minister: What I would like to say is that we will reform the situation and get a lasting solution but this… this predicament arose due to the unprecedented mess left by the previous occupants, which directly led to the situation we now find ourselves.
Radiologist: Hasn’t your family lived in that house for over ten years? Surely the responsibility lies with you?
The Prime Minister: No, well yes… well no, well… It was the Care Workers.
And now I feel I must apologise to anyone who has read this far. The image of the Prime Minister in such a predicament is not something you wish to have embedded in to your mind. But at least you’re not one of the dead.